My
blog is predominantly about rape, but I plan on talking about other forms of
abuse as well.
Myth:
The primary motive for rape is impulsive sexual desire. Fact: Studies
show that the major motive for rape is power, not sex.
This is
true of all abuse and important to think about because all abuse comes from
that same mindset whether it is emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual.
People can have a pretty narrow definition of abuse, but
according to Wikipedia; “Abuse is the improper usage or treatment
of an entity, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit.” So, right there in
the definition we can see that abuse isn’t just limited to the physical. There are
so many people who think that’s all it is. Lundy Bancroft (I know I know, I am
such a fangirl) says, “The defining point of abuse is when the man starts to
exercise power over the woman in a way that causes harm to her and privileged
status for him.”
This
is probably a good place to talk about gender.
I tend to refer to victims as “she” and abusers as “he”. I am aware of the fact that men are sometimes victims of both rape and other forms of abuse. Statistically speaking, they are rare though. 82% of all juvenile rape victims are female. 90% of adult rape victims are female. For domestic abuse, a 1995-1996 study conducted in the 50 States and the District of Columbia, says that nearly 25% of women and 7.6% of men were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime (based on survey of 16,000 participants, equally male and female). There are some people who say that men are less likely to report these crimes, and that the numbers are off. While I can imagine that might play a factor in rape, I seriously doubt it with any other form of abuse. Lundy Bancroft makes a good point:
I tend to refer to victims as “she” and abusers as “he”. I am aware of the fact that men are sometimes victims of both rape and other forms of abuse. Statistically speaking, they are rare though. 82% of all juvenile rape victims are female. 90% of adult rape victims are female. For domestic abuse, a 1995-1996 study conducted in the 50 States and the District of Columbia, says that nearly 25% of women and 7.6% of men were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime (based on survey of 16,000 participants, equally male and female). There are some people who say that men are less likely to report these crimes, and that the numbers are off. While I can imagine that might play a factor in rape, I seriously doubt it with any other form of abuse. Lundy Bancroft makes a good point:
“Where are the men whose partners are forcing them to
have unwanted sex? Where are the men who are fleeing to shelters in fear for
their lives? How about the ones who try to get to a phone to call for help, but
the women block their way or cut the line? The reason we don’t generally see
these men is simple: They’re rare…….Even if abused men didn’t want to come
forward, they would have been discovered by now…..Among my physically abusive
clients, nearly one third have been arrested as a result of a
call to the police that came from someone other than the abused woman. If there
were millions of cowed, trembling men out there the police would be finding
them. Abusive men commonly like to play the role of victim, and most men who
claim to be “battered men” are actually the perpetrators of violence, not the
victims.”
I read a story on Everyday Victim Blaming (a British blog) about an abuse victim who confronted her abuser only to have him slam the door in her face. She threw a handful of gravel at the house and he called the police. So statistically speaking, that man was a victim of domestic violence while she is not.
I don’t want to hear any “Men are victims of abuse too” from anyone here. Men are victims of abuse. Period. Yes it happens. I plan on dedicating a few posts to the subject, but don’t come here and add the “too”. If you are concerned with male victims you wouldn’t wait for someone to bring up female victims before you mention them.
I read a story on Everyday Victim Blaming (a British blog) about an abuse victim who confronted her abuser only to have him slam the door in her face. She threw a handful of gravel at the house and he called the police. So statistically speaking, that man was a victim of domestic violence while she is not.
I don’t want to hear any “Men are victims of abuse too” from anyone here. Men are victims of abuse. Period. Yes it happens. I plan on dedicating a few posts to the subject, but don’t come here and add the “too”. If you are concerned with male victims you wouldn’t wait for someone to bring up female victims before you mention them.
If you are a male victim of
rape or any kind of abuse, services for male victims do exist. Most federal
funding sources require that domestic violence services be provided to all
victims of abuse. Advocates can provide information, assist with safety
planning, and/or find local resources, if available. They can also help
brainstorm alternative options if local programs are not meeting the
requirements for male victims, including who a caller may be able to contact if
they believe they have experienced discrimination.
No matter what your situation
you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
at 800-799-SAFE (7233), 800-787-3224 (TTY).
A
Few Other Resources for Men:
- Male Survivor provides resources to male survivors of sexual trauma
- Safe Place in Austin, TX provides services and shelter for male victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. We can help you locate shelters in your area, where available.
- Center Against Domestic Violence, based in New York City, offers information and support for male victims
- Helpguide.org: Help for Abused Men
- Lambda’s Anti-Violence Project provides support and resources to LGBTQ victims of violence
Female victims can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
and here are a few other resources for them:
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: National hotline, operated by RAINN, that serves people affected by sexual violence. It automatically routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search your local center here. Hotline: 800.656.HOPE
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center: This site offers a wide variety of information relating to sexual violence including a large legal resource library.
- National Organization for Victim Assistance: Founded in 1975, NOVA is the oldest national victim assistance organization of its type in the United States as the recognized leader in this noble cause.
- National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women: VAWnet, a project of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence hosts a resource library home of thousands of materials on violence against women and related issues, with particular attention to its intersections with various forms of oppression.
