That other time I was raped:

I would like to point out that Zac was not the only man to molest me. There were the incidents in Paris and my second husband taking me in my sleep…and there was also this guy…

I had been dumped rather brutally…one of those long dragged out affairs where you are so obsessed with the guy that you let him talk you into coming over for sex even though he has a new girlfriend. I was heartbroken and it was finally over. I joined a dating site or two and was eager to get out there and get over him.

A nice, funny, charming Indian man messaged me and we agreed to go out on a date that night. That was the only time I have ever agreed to go on a date with someone the same day they messaged me. I had a feeling in my gut telling me not to go, that it was weird that he wanted to go out that night and not wait, but I ignored it. I thought my gut was being paranoid and just scared to put itself out there. I have depression and anxiety so I sometimes feel like things are about to crash down around me for no real reason. My gut is a little jumpy.

So I went out to meet this guy at a bar and arrived first because I am usually early. He was late, said he was getting off work and apologized profusely, so I ordered a drink, vodka tonic because I hate beer, and waited. He arrived before I finished it and we grabbed a table. He was very sweet. He insisted on the bartender transferring my tab to his card and ordered wings. Spicy wings. Now, if you know me, you know I can’t handle spice. I think table pepper is too much sometimes. He kept offering, and I thought eating might be a good idea since I had already finished one drink and started another, so I tried the wings. They were delicious. They were also very spicy and I am a wimp. I’m not sure how many vodka tonics I went through eating those wings, but it was pretty obvious to me that I shouldn’t be driving. 

The guy offered me coffee and invited me to his place to drink it, and watch the Blues Brothers. He told me he had never seen it before and watching my all-time favorite movie over a cup of coffee (or three) seemed like a pretty fun way to sober up. He said after the movie he would drive me back to my car so I could drive home safely. I was having a great time and was enjoying being around a guy who wasn’t afraid to be seen with me.

We went back to his place and I immediately threw up multiple times in his toilet. I stumbled out of the bathroom thinking a couple hours of sleep while he watched the movie would probably be better for me than coffee. He said something about not having a TV in the living room (I have no idea if this was even true since I had run straight to his bathroom) and had started the movie in his bedroom. I collapsed next to him and must have passed out because the next thing I know my pants were off and we were having sex. It wasn’t the first time I had woken up this way, but it was the first time I had woken up this way after being passed out and my head was groggy to say the least. I’m not sure if he saw me wake up and decided to finish quickly before I figured out what to do, or if he was just ready…but he flipped me over and finished in my posterior. I remember as he was flipping me over I tried to tell him this wasn’t ok, but I didn’t get any further than “I can’t do…” before the wind was knocked out of me by his unexpected entrance in my other hole.

When he was done he rolled off of me and I got up. “I need to go to my car NOW” I told him, no longer caring about the dangers of driving while intoxicated and feeling pretty sober after that ordeal. He obliged and as we got into his car he mentioned I had left my hoodie. “I don’t care; I need to go home now.” I told him, and he took me to my car. 

The next day, he texted me to ask when we could go out again, saying he had a great time. When I told him to leave me alone he asked how to get my hoodie back to me and I told him I didn’t want it. I told a friend of mine about the incident a few weeks later and she asked why I didn’t report him. I just shrugged and said “What is one more rape? I just want to be as far away from him as possible. I don’t think he meant it like that anyway and I don’t want to ruin his life over this.”

That might have been one of the most idiotic things I have ever said. I wish I remembered his name and I hope he doesn’t ruin anyone else’s life. As for thinking “he didn’t mean it that way”…ugh. Women are not here for men’s amusement and if a girl throws up in your toilet and passes out on your bed, you don’t get to use her to get off….but spending years being raped and abused had me so damaged I believed the rape culture.