Partners

My first husband, as I mentioned in my last post, was not supportive at all. After feeling such a lack of support on this issue, I had come to expect it from people. Every once in awhile though, someone surprises me. I fell for my second husband because he was the first person to ever tell me that they would never let Zac hurt me again. Of course, he didn't say anything about him hurting me and trading one abuser for another is woefully common.

My partner now is completely different. Brian listens. He gives me space. He tells me not to feel bad for needing it. I get completely useless when I am triggered and am not much of a partner to him, but he refuses to allow me to feel bad about it. When I feel hopeless because I so rarely get a positive reaction for exposing my rapist and those who support him, he tells me he is proud of me for speaking out. When I lay in bed typing furiously trying to pour out all my pain, he sits quietly next to me. When he does that I understand what it is to have a partner be your "rock".

I have other support partners too. My friend Blair is my Anam Cara, or soul friend. Whenever we talk she listens deeply to my soul and knows me for my true self. My oldest friend (in length of years known - not age) Anne, is a great giver of support. When I need to rant about the insanity of people not understanding that being raped has affected me and will always affect me, she's right there with me, cursing the idiots. There is also Jamie, my closest friend. I feel safer knowing he will always have my back.

I intend to use this blog to vent and lament a lot, but this right here, this short little post, is the most important one.